You love your parents, but have you started feeling that they are being a bit too pushy? Here are some of the ways to understand the situation and how to handle it without hurting your parents.
Did You Know?
Researches have proved that when parents (read: pushy parents) get involved in every little task or situation involving their kid, these kids actually excel in their performance, do well for themselves, and it eventually builds the platform for chasing their dreams.
I remember watching a movie A Cinderella Story in which a kid was taught to play football since a young age, as his dad dreamed of seeing him play for football championships when he grew up. However, the young boy aspired to go in for further studies in a renowned university, for which his dad did not support him. In the end, caught in a crossfire situation, the boy decided to join the university to pursue his dreams. When I watched the movie, I understood that there was nothing wrong with what the father wished to see his son become, but eventually it boiled down to what were his kid’s dreams and what he wished to pursue. Taking a leaf from his story, parents need to understand that they can’t push their kids to achieve something, which they may have failed to do in their life.
At heart, parents always wish the best for their children, and they strive hard for that. However, while wishing for the child’s good, they tend to get a bit aggressive in their expectations, and that’s where the problems crop up. They start interfering; rather taking the initiative in everything the kids do — right from their studies, choosing friends, to the clothes they buy, and so on. Nowadays, we see parents deciding the schools for their little ones when the kid is not even out of the mother’s womb. It’s good to plan the future for your baby, but leave at least some decisions to them. Let us see how pushy parents can affect the decisions of your life at different stages, and how you can deal with them without hurting their feelings and letting them down.
Once kids start going to school, some parents want to have a time-to-time update of their kid’s activities. They want to come to the classroom every day, keep an eye on whom they talk to, know the friends they keep, start telling them how to do their job, and keep talking or giving a feedback to them about everything under the sun. Apart from this, they send their kids for extra hobby classes, as they want their children to excel in every field.
Solution – They are your parents, they will always want you to be the best, and will strive hard to give you the best. So respect that. You are just so small that you are not even aware how big the universe is; so it’s okay to leave the major decision-making to your parents. If you feel that they are coming to your school almost every day, lingering around the corridors, and asking several questions to your teachers, then you can always make them understand that you are doing well in school, and there is nothing to worry about. If they expect you to train in football, and go for your art or piano lessons as well, then you can gently tell them that you don’t want to do all the things at the same time, as it is becoming too much to handle along with the school homework. If talks are not helping, you can always confide in your teacher, and ask him/her to explain your problem to your parents, which can serve the purpose.
Education and Career
When it comes to the education of their kid, super mom and super dad are fully charged. They have all the plans made for you when you were walking your first step, and I am sure that they have come up with the best. So, try to chase the dreams that your parents have seen for you. Parents do have multiple options in their head and can confuse you with what majors to take, which universities to attend, and so on. However, in some cases, it may happen that the kids have some different dreams. Parents sometimes don’t even consider the choice of their kids and may force them to do what they wanted to do in life.
Solution – First, hear out all the plans that your parents have made for you. If you have some different plans for your life, then sit down and talk to your family about it. Be patient and respect their decisions, but put your plan forth, and make them understand what you want to do and why. Many times, you must have planned to pursue something, but you are not aware about the difficulties that you may have to face while pursuing those dreams. You can talk to your parents about that, and ask them for suggestions, which will make them feel good and involved. So, the best way to handle these situations is to sit together and talk. That way, even parents will know what is in your mind, and they may support you if you are going on the right path.
Relationships and Marriage
This becomes quite a difficult situation if you have pushy parents, who you feel are interfering in your decision about which girl/boy to choose, or even worse, not accepting your choice. Or is it about deciding the menu or place of your wedding? Parents who want everything perfect can get to that level and make you do whatever they have in mind. But of course you have different plans. These situations can be quite sensitive and could even lead to arguments.
Solution – I do agree that deciding your life partner is completely your choice, but if your parents are being pushy here, then just hear them out quietly, and calmly think about it. If you feel that they are right about why you shouldn’t be getting involved with some particular person, then go with your parents’ decision. Nevertheless, if you still feel that the person you have chosen to be your partner is “the one” for you, then stick to your decision. Here I don’t mean that you run away and get married because your parents are opposing your decision. You can still get married with your parents by your side. It is your duty to convince your mom and dad, and give them some time because they too must have thought the best for you. Even while deciding your marriage location, your dress, and all other things, be polite when discussing with them. Do not create situations that could lead to problems between you and your parents. Since childhood, it’s your parents who have taken the correct decisions for you when you did not know whom to consult and what is right for you. Now that you have grown up, it’s not fair to do away with their opinions and make them feel alienated. It’s you who is expected to stay calm and handle the situation well.
This is the time when you have kids, and you feel that your parents are being too pushy by constantly telling you how to look after the baby. In this situation, they just feel helpless; they love you and your baby too much and want to be helpful always. They won’t even realize that they are being assertive while taking care of you and your kids. If they see that you are finding it hard to put your baby to sleep, they will come and give you some advice and help you with putting the baby to sleep. When your baby gets sick, you tend to panic and look out for doctor. But you get irritated when your parents insist on some home remedy to make your baby feel better.
Solution – Your parents have raised you and definitely know more than what you know. They are old enough and just want to help you. May be because of the generation gap, they may not be aware of certain things, but they have a lot of experience up their sleeve. All you have to do is to be very patient and listen to what they are saying. If they are giving you advice, then it is surely for your own good, so what’s the harm in trying it out? Allow them to be of help, because they have been doing it all their life; they will feel good and realize that you still care and respect them. Do not lose your temper and say words that you will regret later. You are also a parent now, and just as you are concerned about your little one, they too are worried for you. Despite your age, they still consider you to be their child. Even though they have grown old, they will always be there to aid you in your smallest difficulties.
Keep in mind that your parents adore you and love you come what may, and will never plan anything wrong for you. So, be ready for an open communication, whenever you feel there is a difference of opinion. Pushy parents aren’t all that bad. It’s just the way in which you perceive them. Convey to them that you’re on their side and equip yourself with lots of patience.