You may have decided to call your marriage quits, but is your child ready for it? Are you ready to tell your child about the legal separation? Of course not! The thought of telling your child about the divorce is definitely unnerving one. It can make you anxious and tongue-tied, but telling your child the news as soon as possible is also important. The worst part about breaking this news is, informing your children about their future home and the single parent who will be looking after them. So, when everything around you is so stressful, what is the best way to tell your kids about divorce? Children often blame themselves for parents parting ways. It takes them a while to come to terms with the fact of living with only one parent. However, if the process of divorce is conveyed to kids by you and your spouse, before the divorce it will help in salvaging your bond with your kids.
How To Tell Your Children About Divorce
A divorce is never easy. It is stressful for both, you and your family. It especially has adverse effects on children. Although informing them about the eventuality is important, it is equally important to be sensitive while doing so. Talk to your soon-to-be-ex and sort out the reasons you are going to give your children before you actually decide to tell them the news. Try to avoid a conflict in front of them over difference of opinion. Your stories leading to a divorce and reasons for actually getting one, have to be the same. Fighting in front of the kids will make matters worse.
So, when is the best time to tell your kids about divorce? Picking the right time can be a little tricky. The conversation you are going to have with your child cannot be rushed up. Thus, pick a time wherein both of you have ample of time and your kids are free too. Once you tell them about the divorce, it is only going to cause an emotional upheaval. So, pick a day when your kids don't have school or do not have any other extra curricular activities to attend to. Both of you need to put your difference aside and give your kids undivided attention, as they try to assimilate the news. They too need to deal with the idea of separation just as much as you do.
No Blame Game
Children often blame themselves for parents getting divorced. Also, it takes them quite a few years to deal with the trauma of separation. Although, they might not say anything, they are silently dealing with absence of a parent. Thus, you need to present the news in an unbiased way. Do not show your conflict and avoid bad mouthing each other in front of your kids. Explain the fall out as mutual decision, so that your kids get an objective view of the divorce.
A child's world revolves around parents until they step out of the house and make a social circle for themselves. When this world falls apart, it does leave them devastated for a while. Reassuring them is the only way of letting them know that separation is not their fault. Show your unconditional love by spending time with them, with words of affection and actions of love. If you promise them something, ensure that you fulfill it. Small things can help you maintain a bond of trust and love with them.
The best way to tell your kids about divorce, is with honesty and without bias. It is important that both the parents inform the kids about the separation, instead of just one playing the devil's advocate. Making your kids your priority and showing them so, is the only and the best way to help them cope up with divorce.