Bette Davis once said "If you have never been hated by your child, then you have never been a parent." This quote seems as if it's made specially to ease nervous stepparents. One of the biggest worries that stepparents are hovered with all the time is whether step children will love them or not. Every parent knows that at one point or another they're going to be hated by their kids. So, relax and think of how much you will love your new kids to make them feel like you are family. A relationship starts when you start loving someone and not when somebody loves you.
Becoming a stepparent is a job of many responsibilities. The first thing you should do is understand the potential problems that could arise. This will help you prepare for any situation. Once you've established yourself as a person who is unfazed by all the issues that come along with stepfamilies, you will win the trust and love of the children faster. Remember that accepting a new adult in their life is quite difficult for children, especially when they still love or miss the earlier parent. So, always go easy with stepchildren and do not try to become their parent from the get-go. With your love, care, and compassion they will slowly start loving you. All you need is a little patience for that.
Initially, you may feel that your stepchildren don't respect you, but remember that respect is earned and you must work hard for it. Just because you got married to their mother doesn't make you their father. You must behave and act like a father to gain fatherly respect. You need to understand how important it is for your spouse that you love his or her kids, and for this you have to try to be friends with them.
The age and understanding level of children also determines the problems that may arise in your relationship with them. A young child may accept you sooner than a teenager. Parenting teenagers is challenging, but possible if you treat children as equals and as friends.
Reading parenting books or attending stepparent programs may help you become a good stepparent, but that's not enough. You must decide to make the relationship work so that you, your partner, and your children can lead a happy life.
Given below are some tips that can make everything about your new family an enriching experience.
- Be realistic. You know things won't get better overnight, so have some patience.
- Keep low expectations or none at all. Do not expect love, affection, and respect immediately.
- Try to make your stepkids feel safe and secure.
- Make them feel special, loved, and counted.
- Be there for them when they need you, and understand all their needs and requirements.
- Try to involve children in decision-making processes so that they feel noticed and valued.
- Create an honest, free, and non-judgmental environment in the house so that you can all understand each other well.
- In the process of child care, it is important to connect with children emotionally to bond with them.
- Remember that children need constant appreciation and encouragement.
- Do not try to discipline the kids very strictly and do not make drastic changes in their lifestyle.
- Always take the help of your spouse if you wish to set any limits or boundaries.
- Do not enforce your decisions, opinions, or rules on the children as it would push them away from you.
- You must try to establish yourself as a friend rather than their parent.
- Always address the conflicts positively and try to understand and respect the child's perspective.
- Lastly, present a unified parenting approach that will manifest into a strong family bond.